Yay! A digital camera for Christmas!

Alistair
This boy's name is used in English. Its source is Alasdair, a Gaelic name meaning "Protector of men."

Its been a wonderful, extremely blessed Christmas for my 2 boyz. I stop & think often about their brother who`s not here, there`s an empty 3 year old size space missing from every table and gathering. I love that his name means "protector of men", I have to admit, we picked it because it sounded cool, not because of what it meant. Now that I know what it means, its so fitting, because I`m sure he watches over and protects his brothers, just like my sister watched over me when I was a kid. I feel bad because for the first time I didn`t make an ornament for him and we are not big on going to the grave because he`s just not there. So, I`ll just mention him here, because I can.

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
The little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head.
The stars in the sky looked down where He lay,
The little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hay.

That is just a heartbreaking image of this precious newborn starting out life so humbly.

On Grey`s Anatomy the other night there were 2 doctors who are dating and the guy is very spiritual and also an extremely talented heart surgeon. The woman is an intern and doesn`t believe in God. The two of them were very worried about a little boy who had just had his second heart transplant and didn`t seem to be tolerating the new heart very well. The woman was freaking out and questioning everything. The guy said to her, " You know that powerlessness you feel right now? That`s why I believe in a higher power, because without God all of this (hospital life and death) would eat me up inside."

That has stuck with me all week. I continue to trust God and its a challenge, but I`ve had more experiences in my life proving there is a bigger plan than the opposite. If this life was it, how much would that suck?

You never know when you will find a good moment in an otherwise typical day. Driving to my friend`s house the other night I heard the most random U2 song in the world (thank you XM radio, thank you husband for XM radio!) Walk to the Water. It was just a perfect moment, the boyz were buckled in and happily quiet, the music was loud and after 20 years I finally see what all the fuss is about Bono. What an awesome voice because its exactly like another instrument in that song and it just proves that you can`t replace the most important instrument (IMO), the voice. INXS, dudes, what are you thinking? Michael is gone, you can`t have a new singer, you need a whole new name and everything. If Bono died, would U2 have a show to try and replace him?

Driving with the kids contained and music playing is why I love going to wineries so much, its not just the wine. Its a nice long drive and I was blessed with kids who love not-too-long car trips. Then, you get there and you find yourself in a beautiful piece of the country, a place you`d never normally see unless you have fancy Middleburg friends or something. Or you are fancy yourself. Anyway, the kids run free and we relax and eat and drink and meet new people who are also glad to have a beautiful day in the outdoors. I love it.

I sat down here with the intention to bitch about the challenges of my week, but all this positive stuff came out instead.

Its 10 o clock, do you know where the Creature is? Of course he`s awake and sitting with mama!

He`s almost 6 now, but this is my first boy and how he used to get around town with me.

Chile, so lovely. One day I hope my husband finally takes me there!

for my mom

October and November are cool, December doesn`t like me

I`m supposed to be blogging about all the fun a stay at home mama can have and it hasn`t turned out that way exactly. Yes, I still have wonderful moments of perfect joy and freedom out with the kids or just sitting and watching them play at home. I am thrilled to be with them. I can nap and I can read when I want. (But just not nap when I want) My house is cleaner than its ever been as I realize my goal of being truly domesticated. Some things are alright.

Here it is though, another Christmas with a huge challenge. I don`t even want to talk about what it is, it just sucks. Its like a flashback to 2 years ago. Everything was looking so good and now its all changed. Nobody`s sick, but I am just so sad about the latest raw deal. I hope I can look at things more positively soon.

Everything is basically out of our hands, all the time. God knows I am a simpleton, so I get extra reminders. This is why when life is good and you feel like celebrating, do it, because that record will spin the other way soon and you won`t want to party then.